18 Weeks and 6 Days

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them that are the called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28

Today I went to get my mid-pregnancy ultrasound. I purposely wore my waterproof mascara in case I would cry. I didn't want to get bad news and I really wanted my husband Bernie to come along with me because I didn't want to be alone in case of bad news, but he was unable because he and my youngest son Tres had a stomach bug. I went alone and forgot my cell phone. 

I decided not to turn back around the block when I remembered that I didn't have my cell phone and kept on to the doctor. When I arrived, I parked in the lot and not the ramp like I usually do. I got on the elevator and then step in the elevator a young man and his mother. The young man I noticed had Down Syndrome. I just looked at him and smiled. He could have been around 18 or 19 and had a slender build with glasses. He was well groomed and looked like his DS was mild. I almost had tears in my eyes.

I got off the elevator and waited in the waiting room until I was called in. I had the same ultrasound technician that I had before when she saw the NT (tissue thickness) on the back of the baby's neck. Her name is Carrie.

Our baby, who we call AaronMatthew, was very active during the ultrasound. She asked me if I would like to know the gender of the baby. I said, "We're having a boy. And his name is AaronMatthew." She said yes you are. The MaterniT 21 test confirmed what she saw on the ultrasound. I had her capture a picture for my husband.

She asked me why I decided to name and mentioned that they were biblical names. I told her Aaron because he was Moses's assistant in ministry and that is what my husband believe this child will do. Assist his older brother Tres in ministry. And she remarked that Aaron spoke for Moses. And I said, we are naming him Matthew after our pastor in St. Paul. He's been like a father to me. And he's a mentor to my husband.

I told Carrie that our main concern was AaronMatthew's heart. She took measurements of everything and explained what she was doing. And in that process I was able to tell her that we are relying and trusting in the Lord. I said to her that I have been having a hard time because it's almost as if my child is broken and I cannot fix him. I told her that I am not in control of what is going on. It makes me depend more on the Lord and my faith in Jesus Christ. I told her that I know that God has formed and knit Aaron together in my womb. And this child is made according to the will of God. For His glory. I told her that I know that God loves AaronMatthew more than my husband and I could ever love him. The ultrasound tech replied to me and said, "Children are a gift from God and there are people going through what you are and they don't even have the Lord." 

My ultrasound took about 45 minutes and then afterward Carrie told me that there is a concern for AaronMatthew's heart and she wanted a high risk doctor to come in and confirm what she saw and speak to me about the findings.  The high risk doctor came in and all that I remember her saying was that the baby has a heart defect called AV and there is a hole in the middle of his heart. She said he will need open heart surgery. She said she didn't know the severity of the hole and that more tests need to be done. She recommended a fetal echo cardiogram and a consult with a Pediatric Cardiologist. I started crying. She handed me tissue while I composed myself. I remember my thoughts were, "I never thought something like this could happen. God help!"

I again recalled my niece Carly's heart defect in which she was in the NICU for 8 months and had open heart surgery a day shy of 3 months. I couldn't imagine my own child going through this. It was hard enough yesterday helping my son Tres vomit into a container because of a stomach virus. And the day before, he got immunizations and I almost cried. As parents, we never want to see our children go through hurt or pain. And this is devastating and heart wrenching. 

I went on to see my Obstetrician after my ultrasound. He listened to AaronMatthew's heart and heard an abnormal rhythm and asked if anyone in ultrasound mentioned an abnormal heart rhythm. And no one mentioned it. An appointment was made for another OB check up in 4 weeks and an appointment was made for June 2nd with a Pediatric Cardiologist for a fetal echo cardiogram. Next Tuesday my husband and I will see the Genetic Counselor.

Today is Good Friday as we recall what Jesus Christ did over 2,000 years ago. He willingly went to the Cross, suffered and died so everyone who receives Him can live in eternity forever. God knows what it is like to have His Son suffer pain and hurt. And God did that so no one would have to go to hell for all eternity. God knows how I feel. He knows my thoughts and my struggles. This gives me great comfort in my trials. I have hope. Hope in God because of Jesus Christ. I celebrate Easter Sunday, which I call Resurrection Day because Jesus Christ rose from the dead proving He was God in the flesh and that us believers will too be resurrected to eternal life. Again, that is the hope I have. That I have eternal life with God through Jesus Christ. The Bible says that there will be no more mourning or pain. That God will wipe away every tear from my eyes. I am reminded today to have an eternal perspective and praise the Lord for the hope I have in Him.