Half-way!

Today marks me being 20 weeks pregnant. It is the half-way point. I feel Aaron moving pretty regularly now. I can even feel him move on the outside of my belly with my hand. When he kicks hard, it almost feels like an electrical shock in my belly.

I am getting to the point where it is getting hard to bend over and tie my shoes. I find that propping my feet up on a stool is helpful.

I still wake up about every 4 to 6 times a night to use the bathroom and I am up from about 3:30 am to 5:00 am pretty regularly.

Last night, I woke up to my son Tres crying around 3:30 am. I began to have cramping in waves that started in my back and would wrap around to the front of my belly. My belly wasn't getting hard. But the cramps were mild and felt like a knot tightening in my back and would fluctuate every 3 to 5 minutes, vary in intensity and last anywhere from 20 seconds to 45 seconds. This went on for about an hour and a half until I fell asleep. At one point, I woke my husband up and I asked him to pray for Aaron and I. He reminded me to drink more water. I got a heating pad and put in under me and laid in bed just praying that this wouldn't be the start of super preterm labor. I had braxton hicks that were pretty regular, strong contractions with my first pregnancy for about 23 hours and went into labor. The cramps subsided and I was able to fall back asleep.

Easter Sunday 2014

Though He slay me, yet I will trust Him. Job 13:15a

Yet it was the LORD’s will to crush him and cause him to suffer, and though the LORD makes his life an offering for sin. 

Isaiah 53:10a

And so Pilate, willing to content the people, released Barabbas unto them, and delivered Jesus, when he had scourged him, to be crucified. 

Mark 15:5

And the soldiers platted a crown of thorns, and put it on his head, and they put on him a purple robe, And said, Hail, King of the Jews! and they smote him with their hands. 

John 19:2-3

Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed. Isaiah 53:4-5

I am poured out like water, and all my bones are out of joint: my heart is like wax; it is melted in the midst of my bowels. My strength is dried up like a potsherd; and my tongue cleaveth to my jaws; and thou hast brought me into the dust of death. For dogs have compassed me: the assembly of the wicked have inclosed me: they pierced my hands and my feet. 

Psalm 22:14-16

And I will pour upon the house of David, and upon the inhabitants of Jerusalem, the spirit of grace and of supplications: and they shall look upon me whom they have pierced, and they shall mourn for him, as one mourneth for his only son, and shall be in bitterness for him, as one that is in bitterness for his firstborn. 

Zechariah 12:10

When the chief priests therefore and officers saw him, they cried out, saying, Crucify him, crucify him. Pilate saith unto them, Take ye him, and crucify him: for I find no fault in him. John 19:6

Then the soldiers, when they had crucified Jesus, took his garments, and made four parts, to every soldier a part; and also his coat: now the coat was without seam, woven from the top throughout. 

John 19:23

Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.

 John 14:6

“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. 

John 3:16

Then they said to her, “Woman, why are you weeping?” She said to them, “Because they have taken away my Lord, and I do not know where they have laid Him.” Now when she had said this, she turned around and saw Jesus standing there, and did not know that it was Jesus. Jesus said to her, “Woman, why are you weeping? Whom are you seeking?” She, supposing Him to be the gardener, said to Him, “Sir, if You have carried Him away, tell me where You have laid Him, and I will take Him away.” Jesus said to her, “Mary!” She turned and said to Him,“Rabboni!” (which is to say, Teacher). Jesus said to her, “Do not cling to Me, for I have not yet ascended to My Father; but go to My brethren and say to them, ‘I am ascending to My Father and your Father, and to My God and your God.’ ” 

John 20:13-17

“For My thoughts are not your thoughts,

Nor are your ways My ways,” says the LORD.

“For as the heavens are higher than the earth,

So are My ways higher than your ways,

And My thoughts than your thoughts.

Isaiah 55:8-9

 “You are worthy, O Lord,

To receive glory and honor and power;

For You created all things,

And by Your will they exist and were created.”

Revelation 4:11

Tres loves to hug and play with mommy's pregnant tummy

Tres loves his baby brother AaronMatthew. Here he is giving my pregnant tummy a kiss

19 Weeks pregnant on Easter Sunday

18 Weeks and 6 Days

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them that are the called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28

Today I went to get my mid-pregnancy ultrasound. I purposely wore my waterproof mascara in case I would cry. I didn't want to get bad news and I really wanted my husband Bernie to come along with me because I didn't want to be alone in case of bad news, but he was unable because he and my youngest son Tres had a stomach bug. I went alone and forgot my cell phone. 

I decided not to turn back around the block when I remembered that I didn't have my cell phone and kept on to the doctor. When I arrived, I parked in the lot and not the ramp like I usually do. I got on the elevator and then step in the elevator a young man and his mother. The young man I noticed had Down Syndrome. I just looked at him and smiled. He could have been around 18 or 19 and had a slender build with glasses. He was well groomed and looked like his DS was mild. I almost had tears in my eyes.

I got off the elevator and waited in the waiting room until I was called in. I had the same ultrasound technician that I had before when she saw the NT (tissue thickness) on the back of the baby's neck. Her name is Carrie.

Our baby, who we call AaronMatthew, was very active during the ultrasound. She asked me if I would like to know the gender of the baby. I said, "We're having a boy. And his name is AaronMatthew." She said yes you are. The MaterniT 21 test confirmed what she saw on the ultrasound. I had her capture a picture for my husband.

She asked me why I decided to name and mentioned that they were biblical names. I told her Aaron because he was Moses's assistant in ministry and that is what my husband believe this child will do. Assist his older brother Tres in ministry. And she remarked that Aaron spoke for Moses. And I said, we are naming him Matthew after our pastor in St. Paul. He's been like a father to me. And he's a mentor to my husband.

I told Carrie that our main concern was AaronMatthew's heart. She took measurements of everything and explained what she was doing. And in that process I was able to tell her that we are relying and trusting in the Lord. I said to her that I have been having a hard time because it's almost as if my child is broken and I cannot fix him. I told her that I am not in control of what is going on. It makes me depend more on the Lord and my faith in Jesus Christ. I told her that I know that God has formed and knit Aaron together in my womb. And this child is made according to the will of God. For His glory. I told her that I know that God loves AaronMatthew more than my husband and I could ever love him. The ultrasound tech replied to me and said, "Children are a gift from God and there are people going through what you are and they don't even have the Lord." 

My ultrasound took about 45 minutes and then afterward Carrie told me that there is a concern for AaronMatthew's heart and she wanted a high risk doctor to come in and confirm what she saw and speak to me about the findings.  The high risk doctor came in and all that I remember her saying was that the baby has a heart defect called AV and there is a hole in the middle of his heart. She said he will need open heart surgery. She said she didn't know the severity of the hole and that more tests need to be done. She recommended a fetal echo cardiogram and a consult with a Pediatric Cardiologist. I started crying. She handed me tissue while I composed myself. I remember my thoughts were, "I never thought something like this could happen. God help!"

I again recalled my niece Carly's heart defect in which she was in the NICU for 8 months and had open heart surgery a day shy of 3 months. I couldn't imagine my own child going through this. It was hard enough yesterday helping my son Tres vomit into a container because of a stomach virus. And the day before, he got immunizations and I almost cried. As parents, we never want to see our children go through hurt or pain. And this is devastating and heart wrenching. 

I went on to see my Obstetrician after my ultrasound. He listened to AaronMatthew's heart and heard an abnormal rhythm and asked if anyone in ultrasound mentioned an abnormal heart rhythm. And no one mentioned it. An appointment was made for another OB check up in 4 weeks and an appointment was made for June 2nd with a Pediatric Cardiologist for a fetal echo cardiogram. Next Tuesday my husband and I will see the Genetic Counselor.

Today is Good Friday as we recall what Jesus Christ did over 2,000 years ago. He willingly went to the Cross, suffered and died so everyone who receives Him can live in eternity forever. God knows what it is like to have His Son suffer pain and hurt. And God did that so no one would have to go to hell for all eternity. God knows how I feel. He knows my thoughts and my struggles. This gives me great comfort in my trials. I have hope. Hope in God because of Jesus Christ. I celebrate Easter Sunday, which I call Resurrection Day because Jesus Christ rose from the dead proving He was God in the flesh and that us believers will too be resurrected to eternal life. Again, that is the hope I have. That I have eternal life with God through Jesus Christ. The Bible says that there will be no more mourning or pain. That God will wipe away every tear from my eyes. I am reminded today to have an eternal perspective and praise the Lord for the hope I have in Him.

God Sees Us Through

My niece Carly was born on October 26, 2006. My younger sister Kari was just days shy of her 22nd Birthday. She didn't know it but she was carrying a baby that had Down Syndrome. Her husband was in Iraq of his first overseas deployment and unable to make it to the birth. Carly was immediately admitted into the NICU at Children's Hospital in St. Paul, Minnesota. She would spend the next 8 months in the NICU and a day short of 3 months old she would have open-heart surgery to repair a congenital heart defect.

Carly was hooked up to many different monitors and she needed continuous oxygen. She was in a very fragile state. When we would pick her up to hold her several machines would beep. She couldn't be bottle fed right away and needed to be fed through a tube.

I would be there next to my sisters side and spend countless hours with her and her baby in the NICU rocking Carly and praying for her.

At times there would be many tears as all we could do is watch and pray as this little tiny weak peanut fought to live.

Carly had open-heart surgery when she was only a day shy of 3 months old to repair her weak heart. She eventually came off of oxygen and recovered.

This is a picture of Carly, me and my sister.

We would all cry tears of joy when she had those first baby milestones, like sitting up, crawling, standing and walking.

We rejoiced when she got her first haircut.

It's those precious moments in life that we treasure the most and thank God for.

I have went through this with my niece and I have seen my sister come out on the other end of this stronger in her faith. I know God knows the plans He has for us. Plans not to harm us but to give us a hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11) If I were to say that I am not struggling or having a hard time or cry a lot, that would be a lie. I do trust the Lord. I know He is seeing us through. All's I have is His Word to hold on to and the promises that He gave me.

16 Week Prenatal Check-up

My husband and I went to my 16 week prenatal check-up together. We brought our younger son Tres, who is 15 months old. We wanted to bring him to show my OB who he delivered.

My Obstetrician went over the results of the MaterniT 21 test again, this time with the both of us. He said the results of the test point strongly to Down Syndrome. (Again the test has a 99.4% accuracy rating.)

He said that he would like to do a regular fetal ultrasound in a couple weeks for anatomy of the baby and see me afterward. (On a side note: He was willing to see me in the clinic on the day that he doesn't take clinic appointments and go out of his way for us.) He referred us to Genetic Counselors that would be able to assist us more in talking to us about Down Syndrome and some things to expect as well as resources. And then he would like to do a more in depth fetal echo cardiogram of the heart about 25 weeks pregnant. He said when I am about 30 weeks pregnant that he would like to do stress tests and fetal monitoring about twice a week since women who carry babies with Down's have a higher risk for stillborn births. He said he was not clear on why that was, but it just is.

He said that I could go into spontaneous labor and have a normal vaginal delivery if the baby tolerates it. He said he wouldn't see why I wouldn't be able to hold my baby after he is born and have skin-to-skin contact as long as he is doing fine.

He also said that the hospital I am delivering at has a great NICU and that if the baby needed surgery, it would be transferred to another hospital like Children's or Michigan State. Which honestly put my mind at ease because I didn't know if the hospital I plan on delivering at had the resources if needed and we really like and trust our Obstetrician and wanted to keep him.

Yes, we asked what we were having as the MatertiT 21 test was able to determine the sex of the baby. It's a BOY!!